Allllright! Now that my title has your attention...lets get into this blog series titled, "Who The Fraud did I marry?!!!!"
*(You may want to skip this section if you have read this feature previously on social media)*
This particular photo has been seen on social media several times now. Whats dope is that it has been reposted by a few of my favorite love pages on IG. The most recent repost prompted me to go ahead and begin to write this blog series. (Feature: @blaqlovesoul)
Ray and I met 1998 in high school. He would stare me down in the hallways and we would often lock eyes but he was reluctant to approach me assuming I was already spoken for. Soon after, we had a school dance and as I was standing on the wall, I saw him enter and the confidence and swag in his walk immediately captured me. Ray’s confidence was something I’ve never seen in the other guys from Ohio (I later found out he had recently moved from Mississippi). That following Monday I approached him at his locker and introduced myself and that was the start of our r&b love story. During college we separated as a “couple” but reunited in 2004 and married in 2005.
Being married in our early 20’s; we realize today that statically we should NOT be standing. What we didn’t know at our young ages was that in marriage we as individuals do not stay the same person we are at the alter. No one warned us that as we evolved individually over years that so much of our interest, personality and culture around us would change so drastically and that often reintroducing ourselves to one another was normal. Most importantly no one taught us how to survive those stages. Not many have the courage of being completely transparent about their marriage without the absence of shame and embarrassment therefore the truth about marriage has been hidden like a golden secret (hence our current divorce rates).
This covenant is nothing to be taken lightly and when one of us comes under attack the other must pull on God more than ever. Marriage should be a Threefold Cord (Eccl 4:12) and if your partner is getting whooped on with life and personal battles possibly passed down from generations we have to be down to fight. However, this fight should never be physical but always spiritual because that is where our power is! The same grace we have today is the same grace we are to have towards our spouse today. I realize that every marriage and circumstance is different so I am speaking from my personal life however if you feel that your spouse/marriage is worth the fight then please never stop!
WHO WE ARE
Husband : Ray
Pre-Marriage Personality: Mild. Quiet. Meek. Laid Back.
Born: Oldest of 9 siblings
B-day: July 6
Preferences: Stay In/Chill
Personal Matters: Share w/others
Movie Pref: Scary & Violent
Hobby: Video Games
Pre-Marriage Personality: Hot. Outspoken. Aggressive. Upfront.
Born: Youngest of 7 siblings
B-day: July 9
Preference: Go Out/Turn Up
Personal Matters: "my 👏🏽 buiness 👏🏽 is 👏🏽 MY BUINESS!👏🏽"
Movie Pref: Romantic Comedy & Suspense
"When did you first fall in love with Hip Hop?"
-Brown Sugar (Movie 2002)
My husband Ray is the oldest of his siblings. He didn't get the opportunity to be raised by his father, he was solely raised by his mother who has always been an independent hard working Woman. His only example of marriage was that of his Grandparents who had a very traditional lifestyle where the man worked and the woman was the homemaker. My husband was in & out of church as a child but didn't attend church regularly until his high school years.
I however, was the youngest of my siblings. My parents were married for more than 29 years until my fathers passing. My example of marriage was also very traditional, dad worked as my mom was the homemaker. I was born and raised attending more church services than the norm as my dad was a Minister.
After we said "I Do", we were immediately confronted with the transitions of settling in. This was our first time living together and as we began to unload our furniture and belongings; we couldn't help but notice the amount of "personal" baggage that began to spill over. This baggage was full of our individual upbringings, habits, flaws, strongholds and etc.. Therefore the beginning of our marriage was full of love but not absent of the struggle to co-exist and survive.
The point I am making is that Ray and I came from pretty opposite backgrounds with very little common interest. But none of that mattered to the 24 and 22 years olds that were "In Love" and determined to do right before GOD. And although our hearts and morals were in the right place, we were simply not as mentally and spiritually prepared as needed for the turn of events that followed.
Snippet of "WTF Did I Marry?!" (Pt. 2)....During our first couple of months of marriage we realized that we were in over our heads and at least one of us (RAY) would have tried to tap out a couple times over the years.
(Yall didn't hear that from me tho!)